I received the sweetest text message from my sister-in-law tonight. As the mother of triplets, and a single mom herself since my brother passed away, she knows better than anyone what is coming my way. She's one of the people who *just knew* I would end up having twins. Her energy and strength amaze me everyday. She is doing a fantastic job and raising some really cool kids.
Thank You Marcie!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Pregnancy vs Infertility - Friendship
Being pregnant doesn't heal all the wounds of infertility. Being pregnant with twins doesn't mean I can now be considered "fertile". Infertility leaves behind so many scars. Some are quite visible and others are so deep you can only feel them. I am thrilled for this pregnancy. I worked hard to get here. I am thrilled that my friends and family are thrilled. But I don't want to forget about the struggles and I don't want anyone else to either. Getting pregnant doesn't erase all that. Having a take home baby won't either.
I have a friend who I can barely stand to be around right now. Our friendship is hanging on by a thread these days because she has no concept of what I have been through or what I am going through. She openly disapproves of my choice to be a single mother. When I told her I was moving to IVF, her response was to ask me if it wouldn't be easier to just go to a few bars and pick up random men. Our friendship, while already on thin ice, pretty much ended right there. I can respect the fact that she does not agree with my life choices. I don't agree with most of her life choices. I won't air them here because this is my story, not hers. We are two very different people. And that's ok. But to watch me struggle for two years and dismiss my pain that way. It was too much and I can't get past it.
She's known for spouting off insensitive comments without thinking about it. Usually I roll my eyes and change the subject. But this one was really close to home and it hurt. I reacted the right way though. I didn't get all defensive and upset. I actually tried to calmly explain that due to a medical diagnosis it wasn't actually that simple and that IVF was now my only option. Her response, "oh whatever" as if she didn't believe me and I was being overly dramatic. What do you say to that? How do you respond when you have been branded with the scarlet I?
I am learning how to balance infertility and pregnancy. I so wish that I was just a normal pregnant girl. But, I'm not. I'm fucking special! I am every exception to every rule. Sometimes I feel like the poster child for "Not the life you should ever wish for."
I am infertile. I am single. It's part of who I am. I am also pregnant with twins. I may be building my family some bass-ackwards way from what you think I should, but I am so excited for my little family to be. And I have so many people in my life that are supportive, excited, thrilled - every good emotion in the book.
When it comes to the negativity - it's time to cut some ties.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
8 Weeks
your baby's the size of a raspberry!
Now she weighs in (yay!) at about .04 ounces and measures about .63 inches. This week, she's growing about a milimeter each day.
your baby at 8 weeks
- You can't feel it yet, but she's moving those arms and legs like crazy!
- Her fingers and toes are now only slightly webbed, and her tail (yes, she had one) is gone.
- Fun fact: your baby's taste buds are now forming.
In other news, I am still feeling pretty good. Boobs are not quite as sore. I still get horrible heartburn after I eat and random queasiness if I get hungry, but it's not too bad. Getting up at least 2-3 times per night to pee is wearing me out. Developing better sleeping habits is definitely on my to-do list.
My PIO countdown is 22 more days - 22 more injections. I am so ready to be done with the PIO and being able to regain feeling in my butt.
Monday, May 21, 2012
How I am feeling..
Scared to death and soooo freaking exhausted. When I am not sleeping, I am worried about
- Money
- Space
- Laundry logistics
- My health
- The babies' health
- NICU time
- C-sections
- Finding maternity clothes that fit
- Never getting a true baby bump
- Plus-size pregnancy
- Visitor parking at my condo
And that was just today.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
7 Weeks
The shock is starting to wear off a little bit and I am getting a tiny bit more comfortable with the idea of twins, maybe.
I had my 7w0d ultrasound today. I was prepared to see a heartbeat. After the uneventful 5 week ultrasound, I really wanted to see a heartbeat today. It seems like it took forever for my RE to be able to get anything on screen. Apparently the embryos are implanted up high at the top of my uterus, which is good, but it makes them difficult to get to on a transvaginal ultrasound.
After a few minutes, my RE asked me "How many did we put back?". I said "Two. Why? How many do you see?". He laughed "Oh, just two.". OMG!
Baby B looks great, strong heartbeat and measuring in at 6w5d. Baby A is about a week behind, measuring in at 5w5d, but has a strong heartbeat too. My RE assumes that A was a late implanter since we didn't see but one sac on the 5 week ultrasound. My betas were really low in the beginning so I assume as well that A was a late implanter.
My RE said that over the next few weeks, A will either catch up to B, stay behind, but keep growing proportionately, or won't make it. I am praying that A catches up. I love that little Sprout already.
I also graduated from the RE today. It was a little bittersweet. I have been going there for almost 2 years. It will be strange to see another doctor. I made my first OB appointment for June 5th. I will be 9w5d and will hopefully have another ultrasound and get a better look at Baby A.
I can't believe I am actually pregnant with TWINS!!!
Baby's now the size of a blueberry!
Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about one hundred new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place.
I had my 7w0d ultrasound today. I was prepared to see a heartbeat. After the uneventful 5 week ultrasound, I really wanted to see a heartbeat today. It seems like it took forever for my RE to be able to get anything on screen. Apparently the embryos are implanted up high at the top of my uterus, which is good, but it makes them difficult to get to on a transvaginal ultrasound.
After a few minutes, my RE asked me "How many did we put back?". I said "Two. Why? How many do you see?". He laughed "Oh, just two.". OMG!
Baby B looks great, strong heartbeat and measuring in at 6w5d. Baby A is about a week behind, measuring in at 5w5d, but has a strong heartbeat too. My RE assumes that A was a late implanter since we didn't see but one sac on the 5 week ultrasound. My betas were really low in the beginning so I assume as well that A was a late implanter.
My RE said that over the next few weeks, A will either catch up to B, stay behind, but keep growing proportionately, or won't make it. I am praying that A catches up. I love that little Sprout already.
I also graduated from the RE today. It was a little bittersweet. I have been going there for almost 2 years. It will be strange to see another doctor. I made my first OB appointment for June 5th. I will be 9w5d and will hopefully have another ultrasound and get a better look at Baby A.
I can't believe I am actually pregnant with TWINS!!!
Your Pregnancy: Week 7
Baby's now the size of a blueberry!Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about one hundred new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place.
Gotta pee...again? There's a triple whammy at work here. HCG (pregnancy hormone) increases blood (and urine) flow, your more-efficient kidneys rid waste quicker since you're now peeing for two, and that growing uterus is pressed right down on your bladder
Friday, May 11, 2012
6 Weeks
your baby's the size of a sweet pea!
The average embryo at week 6 is about .25 inches and will double in size again next week. Wow!
your baby at 6 weeks
- Obviously, she's growing like crazy!
- She's also circulating blood with her increasingly more sophisticated circulatory sytem.
- She's about to get cuter too, since she's starting to sprout a nose, eyes, ears, chin and cheeks.
- And she might even be wiggling her (paddle-like) hands and feet.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Well this is new.
Evening sickness. Like morning sickness, only the after five variety. So far no puking, but this goes far beyond my earlier notes about being "mildly queasy".
Note: I am not in any way complaining about pregnancy symptoms like they are a bad thing. When you have traveled down the road of infertility, you would gladly take every symptom in the book if it meant a take home baby in the end. I'm just merely updating my tens of readers and documenting the journey for myself.
Note: I am not in any way complaining about pregnancy symptoms like they are a bad thing. When you have traveled down the road of infertility, you would gladly take every symptom in the book if it meant a take home baby in the end. I'm just merely updating my tens of readers and documenting the journey for myself.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
More Pregnancy Symptoms
Today, I am 5w3d and my symptoms are still relatively mild.
Heartburn has been the biggest doozie, but a daily Zantac seems to keep that in check. I occasionally need to chew some Tums, but I think I about have this under control now.
The constant need to pee has let up a little bit. I think this is due to the internal swelling from ER going down and less constipation bloat. It still comes on pretty fast with little warning and I am still up twice each night, but it's not as bad as it was.
Fatigue is still an issue. I got way too overheated yesterday just sitting on a patio for lunch and had to come home and sleep for 3 hours. Then I slept another 10 last night.
The biggest symptom I have which reminds me daily that I am pregnant is sore boobs. Every morning when I wake up, they feel sore and heavy. Once I get moving, they feel better, but first thing in the morning, they feel like they are not even part of my body. Like they are cement filled balloons attached to the front of my chest. It is a very strange sensation. Sometimes I think they are getting bigger and sometimes I think they look the same. Who knows? Maybe they are fluctuating.
Otherwise, I feel pretty good. No real nausea or morning sickness. There have been a few mildly queasy moment, but they seem to pass pretty quickly without incident. I have noticed that I am much hungrier than normal. This is not going to help me in the weight department though. I am at a point where I should still be dropping a little IVF weight before adding on the baby weight. I don't know how successful I will be with that though. I ate like crap all weekend long. I do plan to take some time this afternoon to put together some meal plans and head to the grocery store. I need to get this in check now... before it is too late.
Heartburn has been the biggest doozie, but a daily Zantac seems to keep that in check. I occasionally need to chew some Tums, but I think I about have this under control now.
The constant need to pee has let up a little bit. I think this is due to the internal swelling from ER going down and less constipation bloat. It still comes on pretty fast with little warning and I am still up twice each night, but it's not as bad as it was.
Fatigue is still an issue. I got way too overheated yesterday just sitting on a patio for lunch and had to come home and sleep for 3 hours. Then I slept another 10 last night.
The biggest symptom I have which reminds me daily that I am pregnant is sore boobs. Every morning when I wake up, they feel sore and heavy. Once I get moving, they feel better, but first thing in the morning, they feel like they are not even part of my body. Like they are cement filled balloons attached to the front of my chest. It is a very strange sensation. Sometimes I think they are getting bigger and sometimes I think they look the same. Who knows? Maybe they are fluctuating.
Otherwise, I feel pretty good. No real nausea or morning sickness. There have been a few mildly queasy moment, but they seem to pass pretty quickly without incident. I have noticed that I am much hungrier than normal. This is not going to help me in the weight department though. I am at a point where I should still be dropping a little IVF weight before adding on the baby weight. I don't know how successful I will be with that though. I ate like crap all weekend long. I do plan to take some time this afternoon to put together some meal plans and head to the grocery store. I need to get this in check now... before it is too late.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
5 Weeks
Today marks 5 weeks in pregnancy world and today I had my first ultrasound. I felt a lot like Rachel on Friends when she doesn't see the baby on the ultrasound.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgPwHlFZ3u8
I am just going to have to trust my RE that there was something there because I really didn't see anything.
I go back in two weeks for another ultrasound where hopefully not only will I see something, but we'll also see a heartbeat.
Edit: I forgot to add the 5 week details.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgPwHlFZ3u8
I am just going to have to trust my RE that there was something there because I really didn't see anything.
I go back in two weeks for another ultrasound where hopefully not only will I see something, but we'll also see a heartbeat.
Edit: I forgot to add the 5 week details.
your baby's the size of an appleseed!
Your embryo is now measurable -- though at week five, it's a wee .13 inches -- and she's gearing up for much more growth. In fact, in the next week, she'll almost double in size. Grow baby grow!
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