Beta #3

So, even though Beta #2 was almost a perfect doubling of Beta #1, my RE still wanted me to come back today for another one. Today's Beta was 187. That's a doubling time of 34 hours - good job Michelle!

To recap: Beta 1 = 58, Beta 2 = 114, Beta 3 = 187

However, he wants me to come back Monday for another Beta. Seriously, my veins are shot. It takes a minimum of 3 sticks to find a place to get blood and I am covered in bruises. 

I am really trying not to complain. But this will be $600 in blood tests alone. When I asked why another one on Monday or why we didn't skip today and go back on Monday, the nurse said my RE just wants to make sure it keeps rising.

I know the numbers are on the low-ish side, but they are perfectly normal for being now 10dp5dt.

Plus I have an ultrasound at 5 weeks to check for the gestational sac and another at 6 weeks to check for a heartbeat - each at $375 a pop. These two weeks are going to cost me about half of what my entire pregnancy will be with my OB.

Arghhh. Sorry. I will stop complaining now. He's my RE and I trust him, but I'm going broke!

4 Weeks

Well, since I passed my beta this morning, I think I will officially start referring to this pregnancy as weeks and days and not just days past embryo transfer. 

So, today I am 4w0d pregnant.

My baby is officially the size of a poppy seed. 

Now safe in your womb, the ball of cells (blastocyst) is splitting into the embryo (your future child) and placenta. Outside this microscopic speck, the amniotic sac and fluid are forming into protective cushioning.

Symptoms = heartburn/reflux, the constant need to pee.

Weight gain = none yet. I actually lost 3 pounds of my IVF weight. 

Mental health = I am still riding the high of a positive pregnancy test and doubling betas and trying not to be scared or worried about everything that could go wrong. 

Today... I am pregnant!

Beta #2

Beta # 2 is 114!

That's a doubling time of 49 hours. Or, just 2 points shy of perfect doubling. My RE wants me to come back tomorrow for one more blood test though. My poor veins. I am not sure how much more they can take.

I know it's still early, but today... I am pregnant!

Pregnancy Symptoms

Today, I am 8dp5dt or 3w6d.

Side note 1: when do you switch your counting from days past transfer to weeks and days pregnant? I think I am going to officially make the switch tomorrow when, if my beta doubles as it should, I will be 4 weeks exactly (4w0d). That would be the day that AF is due and when most women not in the middle of IVF would have their first idea that they might be pregnant. 

Side note 2: I think about how with IVF you know every little detail about your cycle - ER, ET - and considering how closely you are monitored, you know exactly where you are on any given day. Most women don't know they are pregnant at 3w4d. Most women are already 5 or 6 weeks pregnant when they find out. That means they only have 34 or 35 weeks to go. Me, I have almost 37 weeks to worry. It makes me really jealous of my friend Leslie. She never had regular periods so she was almost 14 weeks when she found out she was pregnant with her second child. She missed her entire first trimester. She missed all the worrying and the waiting. In the end, her son was born 5 weeks early so she had like half of a pregnancy. I can't even imagine. 

Anywho... I digress. Today, I am 8dp5dt and pregnancy symptoms are definitely starting to show up. They are subtle. I wouldn't know they were symptoms of pregnancy if I didn't know I was pregnant. Honestly, I would think AF was coming and that I was getting sick.

3dp5dt: Frequent urination. This came hard and fast and with a vengeance. Anytime I am sitting down somewhere and stand up, I immediately have to pee. Not just the feeling of having to go, but an overwhelming urge, as in I have to go NOW. This was also the last time I slept through the night. I wake up 2 hours after falling asleep and I have to go. Then I wake up two hours later and I have to go again. Then I can usually sleep for 4 hours before I wake up for the day - and have to really go!

4dp5dt: Heartburn and acid re-flux. Holy crap, I was not expecting this at all. I am prone to re-flux, but I can usually control it with Tums or the occasional Zantac. After 2 days of chewing Tums after every meal, I started taking a Zantac with  my  morning meds. It seems to work most of the day. I only needed 1 Tums yesterday. From what I have read and heard, this is one symptom that will not be going away.

6dp5dt: Fatigue. This has been pretty mild so far. I seem to hit my wall around 5:00 - 5:30 and need to nap. Not just an "I'm sleepy", more like "must nap now, eyes closing on their own". I doze for about 30-45 minutes and then I am good to go.

So far, that's it. But - I know I have a long way to go.
I'm both excited and nervous for my Beta tomorrow. It's still so early, but today... I am pregnant!

POAS Madness

I am out of FRERs so I will stop testing, but I just wanted to be able to post this for fun. I like that it's my turn to do this.

Because today, I am pregnant!

Baby Steps

I have been thinking about a comment I made in a previous post about how there are a 100 more steps in the long road to bringing home a baby. It got me thinking about all the steps I have taken so far, all the milestones I have reached, all the obstacles I have overcome and all the tests I have passed - and just how many more there are left to go.

From IVF to Bringing Home Baby

1. Egg retrieval
2. Embryo transfer
3. +HPT
4. Beta #1
5. Beta #2 (doubled)
6. Heartbeat on ultrasound
7. First trimester screening, NT scan
8. Anatomy scan
9. Viability
10. Birth

Ok, so maybe there are only 10 steps. It makes be feel better to know I have completed the first 4. Of course, the next 6 take 8 months. 

Beta #1

Beta # 1 is 58.

This seems to be right on track for 7dp5dt or 12dpo. I go back on Thursday for Beta #2. We want to see this number double to about 116.

To POAS or Not To POAS

POAS = Pee On A Stick = Take a Home Pregnancy Test (HPT)

Everyone woman has a very distinct POAS behavior and every woman is different. Some women test out their trigger shots and then test every day leading up to Beta or AF. Some women test only the day of their Beta and some women refuse to test at all. Some women continue to test even after getting a +HPT.

Me, I am a POAS-aholic. This is directly related to my need to know and control everything. It's not about having patience. I am good with patience. I can be patient as the day is long, as long as I am not in the dark. I hate surprises and I hate not knowing what is going on. If you ever want to see me go bat shit crazy, stand right outside my earshot and start whispering. I will literally crawl up a wall trying to figure out what is going on and if you are whispering about me.

So, naturally, I am the type to POAS as soon as I possibly can. During previously failed IUIs, I would always test out my trigger shot. I bought cheap Wondfo pregnancy test strips from Amazon for this very purpose. I would test every other day until it was finally negative. Then I knew I could continue testing until it hopefully turned positive (it never did). This time, I was not in very good shape after ER so I never really tested out my trigger like I did before. I finally remembered to take a test when I got home from ET just so I would know it was out of my system and I wouldn't risk getting my hopes up over a false positive. I tested, it was negative. Trigger was all clear.

When you do IVF, you count the ER as your day of ovulation. Dates are then calculated as days past transfer. For example, Sunday was 5 days after trasnfer (5dp5dt) or 10 days after ER (10dpo). 5dp5dt is usually the earliest an HPT will detect HCG (the pregnancy hormone) in your urine and the earliest you can get a +. Several women on my favorite message board had gotten faint lines on their HPTs at 5dp5dt so I told myself it would be a good day for me to start testing too.

My test was a Big Fat Negative! At first, I was ok and kept telling myself it was too early, but then I got more and more upset as the day progressed. I was sure this IVF was a failure and there is no worse feeling than that for me, right now.

I woke up yesterday (Monday) with an overwhelming feeling of dread. I stared at the stick for the longest time waiting for it to decide my fate. Pregnant - Not Pregnant - which would it be?

Then I got my answer...

You have no idea what it's like to walk around all day knowing you are pregnant, but not being able to do anything to help it stick and certainly not able to shout it from the rooftops. Although I did a tiny bit of shouting. The sad part is my mom is on her cruise and unreachable. She doesn't even know yet.

I had my Beta HCG (blood test) at 10:30 this morning so now I am just waiting for the results and praying they are good!

Even then, the road between here and bringing home a baby is so long it is overwhelming. There are 100 steps between now and then, and I am just at the beginning.

But for now, in this moment, I am pregnant!

Update - A Narrative

I thought I would come back and try to fill in some more details of the embryo transfer and where we have been since then. Not really an exciting post I am sure, but just some details I want to make sure I document.

The first two days after ER, I was miserable. Every muscle in my mid-section was incredibly sore and I was really feeling bloated and swollen. I pretty much stayed at home on the couch all day Thursday and Friday and watched TV.

My RE had called me last Sunday (4/15) to let me know that I had 13 embryos still growing strong so he was scheduling ET for Tuesday at 8:30 a.m. I was to be at the surgery center at 7:30. By this time I was really feeling miserable. Constipation is no joke, let me just tell you that. Miralax is your friend!

When I arrived for  my ET, my RE let me know we still had 8 embryos still going strong. I made the decision to transfer the best two. They gave me two Valium to relax me and transfer was a breeze. Then it was home for 3 days of bed-rest. Again, big thanks to Mom for taking such good care of me.

The nurse called the next day to let me know that 2 embryos made it to freeze, so I have two snowbabies!

I went back on Friday to have my estrogen and progesterone levels tested. P4 was a little low so my RE upped my PIO to 2 ccs. At this point, I had made it 10 days without having to give myself a PIO injection, but mom was leaving for her cruise so I knew it was coming. I actually did it myself last night and it wasn't so bad. It was harder than I expected to push in the plunger, but I did it. We'll see how it goes on the left side tonight.

After that, it's all just a waiting game. Waiting long enough to take an HPT, waiting to give blood for a Beta, waiting for results. Waiting, waiting, waiting. I have a feeling I am in for a lot of waiting.

Transfer Complete

I'll write more later about the entire embryo transfer process, but I am supposed to be on bed rest and this is too difficult to write while flat. So, I will just leave you with a quick snapshot of the two day 5 blastocysts which are hopefully snuggling in for a 9 month journey.

Day 3 Update

As of day 3, I still have 13 embryos growing. Transfer is scheduled for Tuesday morning.

Awesome Fert Report

Out of the 23 eggs retrieved, 20 were mature and 17 fertilized! I am in complete shock. I was so sure that I would lose a ton due to coasting for 3 days before trigger. I am beyond thrilled with this number.

The embryologist said there were growing well and he would contact my RE on Saturday if they started to decline too much and felt we needed to do a 3 day transfer on Sunday. Otherwise, I would get another update on Monday with the time scheduled for transfer.

I am feeling a lot better today. Still really crampy and bloated, but in about half as much pain as yesterday. I am experiencing symptoms of Mild OHSS, but I think it is mild and will subside without interfering with transfer. I am drinking my Gatorade and eating my salty foods and protein.

I have a baby shower tomorrow for a friend that it is important for me to attend, but other than that, I plan to take it easy for the rest of the weekend, recover and rest up for transfer.

Happy Friday the 13th!

Egg Retrieval Update

Today was my ER and I am thrilled to report that we got 23 eggs! I am a little nervous about the maturity levels as I was coasting for three days waiting for my E2 to drop and the sizes were all over the place, but... I said I wanted 20 and I got 23 so I am pleased.

My mom spent the night with me last night so she could take me to the surgery center this morning. We got there a little before 6 and actually had to wait for them to come open the doors. I was the only ER on the schedule for the day so I had the entire staff working on me. Everyone was wonderful!

I filled out some paperwork and signed a bunch of consent forms - mostly about how I would like any frozen embryos dispositioned in various different circumstances. I gave a urine same to confirm the presence of my HCG trigger and they took me back to the waiting area. The nurse who put in my IV was amazing. I have a tiny little pinhole and no bruising. It didn't even hurt. The anesthesiologist came in to chat for a few minutes and wow - he was gorgeous. The nurses had warned me that he was super-hot, but DAMN! My RE came in to say good morning and then they took me back. Two nurses and the anesthesiologist wheeled me back to the OR. They were very chatty and made me very comfortable. I noticed my IV starting to burn and when I looked at my hand, the nurse noticed and told me it was the medicine. Next thing I know, I am waking up in recovery.

I woke to a smiling anesthesiologist and smiling nurses who were so excited to tell me they got 23 eggs. My RE came in to check on me after he went to talk to my mom and he was excited too. They kept me in recovery for about 30 minutes and then I was up and able to go home. I had a tiny bit of bleeding but it stopped before I even left the surgery center.

Mom stopped and got me bagels from Cyndi's Deli ( I ate two!) and then I came home and parked it on the couch for the rest of the day. Mom did an excellent job taking care of me all day - heating up my heat pack, bringing me food and Gatorade when I needed it, hard boiling eggs for me and picking up BBQ for dinner.

Mom even successfully gave me my first PIO injection and it went very smoothly. I feel like I might be able to do it myself, but at least I know mom can. She is not thrilled about it, but she did it!

I am still pretty crampy. I feel like my insides have been through the wringer - which they probably have. I am hoping I feel better tomorrow. I need a few days of normalcy before  embryo transfer and I go back on bed-rest.

I am expecting a phone call Friday afternoon from the embryologist with the fertilization report. That's the next big hurdle. Then embryo transfer should be on Monday (I hope).

Trigger Time

Yesterday's E2 was up to 5900, but today it dropped down to 5100. This means I lost some follicles, but I should still have plenty left, I hope. I am triggering tonight with 1/2 dose of the Novarel. Egg retrieval is scheduled for 7:00 Thursday morning.

Edit: Special thanks goes out to Mom for giving my trigger injection tonight. It was under protest and made her a little light headed, but she did a great job. Barely felt a thing. I am going to need to learn how to inject my own booty though as I am not sure I can get her to do that every day for 9 weeks. 

Third Follicle Check - 18

Back to the RE's office I went today for yet another blood draw and ultrasound. Today, we had 18 follicles. 11 on the right and back to 7 on the left. I think at this point, it is getting so crowded in there, the RE is just counting as much as he can. Follicles ranged from 12-20, but most were in the 15-17 range so they still need to grow for a few more days. 

My E2 yesterday was 4000 (yikes) and I am sure it went up today. So, we coast for another few days to get it to come down and do our best to avoid OHSS after trigger.

I go back again tomorrow for another blood draw to check my E2 to my RE can make a decision about when to trigger. No ultrasound is planned as they are increasingly uncomfortable for me and they won't tell us anything new.  At this point, I am thinking trigger Wednesday with an egg retrieval on Friday, the 13th. 

Works for me. I'm ready!

Second Follicle Check - 21

Happy Easter everyone!

How did I spend my Easter morning? Why, with my RE and his staff getting another difficult blood draw and ultrasound. I feel so bad for my RE. This is the second major holiday he has worked for me (2nd IUI was on Christmas Day 2010) and who knows how many weekends.

No word on today's E2 level, but the follicle count sure was upped. We now have 15 follicles on the right ovary, all between 10-19mm. Again, these are just measurable follicles so we still assume there are more below 10mm. Most were in the 13-15 range. Today he only counted 6 on the left side, but my left ovary appeared to be hiding as he was having to push on my belly to get a good view. I think he just stopped counting after 6.

He discontinued stims so no injection tonight! My belly thanks me. And, I go back tomorrow morning for check #3. Looks like I will be going in every morning until he decides it is time to trigger. My best guess is that I will trigger Tuesday night for an ER on Thursday, which would put ET on Monday, 4/16.

My follicle sizes seem to be all over the place so who knows what size they will be at retrieval and how many will be mature, but it's starting to look like my benchmark of 20 might not be so far off. My RE commented today that my response is what he would expect from someone under the age of 35. Go ovaries!

So, that's it. Another ultrasound tomorrow and we'll see where we go from there. I can't believe that in about 3 weeks I'll have an answer - one way or the other.

First Follicle Check - 14

I had my first follicle check today after 6 days of stims. There were 14 measurable follicles - 7 on each side between 10mm and 16mm.

I was hoping for 20, my RE was hoping for 10. I guess 14 will just have to do. I am not sure, but I assume there are others under 10mm that may or may not catch up as long as the 15 and 16 don't get too far ahead.

he also told me my uterine lining was "gorgeous" at 13.5. Um...thank you?

Overall, my RE is pleased so I will take it! I go back on Monday for another ultrasound. Looks like ER will be Wednesday or Thursday.

Edit: My RE's office just called and my E2 levels were a little high. After 6 days of stims, E2 is 2363 which could indicate I am overstimulating. I am to keep my dosage the same tonight, but drop to 75 Follistim starting tomorrow. I now go back on Sunday (Easter) at 8:30 for another ultrasound. He wants to let my follicles grow and mature, but not so fast the quality is compromised. 

Nervous...

Tomorrow is my first follicle check. Moment of truth time. Am I responding appropriately to the meds? I feel like I am. I feel like my ovaries are more and more swollen every day. Tonight, true to form three hours after my stims injections, I feel like I am about to burst. But I felt slightly swollen after taking Clomid and that was only when I had 2 follicles. Who knows if what I am feeling is 3 or 30!

I've been thinking alot about what I want to see tomorrow. My RE and I never discussed how many follicles he  is expecting to see. I keep thinking back to one of my early appointments in 2009 when he was checking my antral follicle count (AFC) and he said there were more than 10 on each side. That's good. If I am responding the right way to stims, then I should have over 10 follicles on each side.

I have been trying not to set these benchmarks, but I can't help my nature. It's just who I am. So, this is what I have in my head for the day of retrieval: (updated with actual numbers as they progressed)

20 retrieved (actual = 23)
18 mature (actual = 20)
16 fertilize (actual = 17)
12 on day 3 (actual = 13)
8 on day 5 (yep)
4 to freeze (actual = 2)
2 to transfer (yep)

Truthfully though, I am just kinda making that up. I have no idea what to expect. I do know that in the end, I would like to have 2 to transfer and 4 to freeze. I need to have the option of frozen embryos in case this round is not successful. Not to sound cliche, but I have literally put all of my eggs in this proverbial basket. If this IVF does not work, I may not be able to afford $15k for another fresh cycle. I can't even let myself think about this cycle not working.

It starts with tomorrow though. I just have to get through tomorrow. Incidentally, tomorrow is Good Friday. I hope it will be a Good Friday indeed!

Celebrity Bump Buddy

I wonder who my celebrity bump buddy will be. Right now, someone famous is trying to get knocked up too. I hope she's cool!

Menopur success and other small things

Third times a charm, right? Right! I managed to get my Menopur done correctly with the right amount of diluent. Go me!

It was a three stick night though. I finished up 900 iu of Follistim last night, but there was still drug left in the cartridge. Everyone knows that Follistim is overfilled to allow extra for pen priming. The amount of overfill varies wildly. I needed just 150 iu for this dose. So, guess how much was in there? 125! Just my luck. So, it was a double-shot night of Follistim. Really, it's not that bad. I can barely feel the needle going in for SQ injections. Nothing to them at all - especially since I get no sting or burn from the Menopur either.

Yes, I know how lucky I am. I think it's all the extra padding around my stomach that is finally serving a purpose other than just fat. Which is something else I want to discuss, but I am not ready to have that conversation yet. I need to think about what I want to say and how I want to say it. I know this blog is mainly just for me, but saying it the right way is important.

My ovaries seem to be responding well to stims, from what I can feel. I won't know for sure until the ultrasound on Friday, but I feel more and more swollen every day. I hope they are doing their thing!

Swollen ovaries, surgery and tornadoes

I'm just going to word vomit for a bit...

Stims must be really kicking in because my ovaries feel really swollen. After three days of stims, I am definitely aware of my ovaries and something going on in there. I don't feel bloated, but when I sit for too long, I feel like they are getting squished in there. Tonight was night 4 and while I have Follistim mastered, I am a big fat fail on the Menopur two nights in a row. I don't think I am messing anything up, but I cannot seem to get the right amount of diluent out of the bottle, mixed with the drug, back into the syringe and injected into me. I think as long as I am getting all the poweder mixed and back into me, the variation on the diluent is ok, but who knows? The injections are still fine. Now that I am up to three a day I am starting to get some bruising. My belly has now taken 22 sticks. Looks like I've got at least 10 more to go.

Which brings me to the phone call today from the surgery center. They called wanting their $5500 for the surgery, lab and embryologist. They took a check by phone. The last thing to pay will be $500 for the anesthesiologist the day of surgery. According to my IVF calendar, I will have my first follicle check on Friday, 4/6 which will be after 6 days of stims. The surgery center has my ER on the books for Sunday, 4/8. I assume that this is because it is the earliest possible day for ER provided I am ready to go and trigger Friday night. More than likely, I won't be quite ready yet and will go back on Monday, 4/9 for another follicle check, trigger Monday or Tuesday night and have ER on Wednesday, 4/11 or Thursday, 4/12. Unfortunately, I just won't know until Friday. Part of me thinks it will be sooner because of how swollen my ovaries feel, but that really isn't a good indicator. I honestly have no idea. I am just along for the ride here.

The weather was crazy in Dallas today. We had 12 tornadoes touchdown in and around the DFW area. It was quite scary with the sirens going off and on for about 2 hours. I sat glued to the TV all afternoon and did not get much work done. Mental note - got to work tomorrow to make up for today. I need money to pay for this IVF!

Now that stims have kicked it, the exhaustion and hunger are virtually gone. I am back to my old night owl self. I am doing ok with reducing my caffeine intake. Some days are better than others. I usually have one large coffee each morning and if I am home all day, then that is all I have. If I eat out at all, then I am having caffeine in my iced tea. I have never really been good at drinking water with meals so that is what I am going to try to work on this week. I also plan to start adding in Gatorade this weekend so I can hopefully avoid any symptom of OHSS.

That's about it for now, I think.

Thank you Christopher Robin

Someone shared this quote this morning and it struck a chord.

“Promise me you will always remember: You are stronger than you seem, braver than you feel, and smarter than you think,” — Christopher Robin to Pooh.

Like a shock to the ovaries

... that's what stims feel like so far.

It's probably just all in my head as this is only day 2 of stims (300 Follistim). But both nights, about 3 hours after giving myself the injection, it feels like there is a shock to my ovaries. Like maybe the drugs just worked their way to my ovaries and jump-started some follicle growth. It lasts for about 30 minutes and then I am back to normal.

Well, not NORMAL, but my new normal of always tired and always hungry. I guess this is what the first trimester will be like if I am lucky.

Off to bed. Yes, I am going to bed before midnight. What can I say. I am freaking exhausted.