Nervous...

Tomorrow is my first follicle check. Moment of truth time. Am I responding appropriately to the meds? I feel like I am. I feel like my ovaries are more and more swollen every day. Tonight, true to form three hours after my stims injections, I feel like I am about to burst. But I felt slightly swollen after taking Clomid and that was only when I had 2 follicles. Who knows if what I am feeling is 3 or 30!

I've been thinking alot about what I want to see tomorrow. My RE and I never discussed how many follicles he  is expecting to see. I keep thinking back to one of my early appointments in 2009 when he was checking my antral follicle count (AFC) and he said there were more than 10 on each side. That's good. If I am responding the right way to stims, then I should have over 10 follicles on each side.

I have been trying not to set these benchmarks, but I can't help my nature. It's just who I am. So, this is what I have in my head for the day of retrieval: (updated with actual numbers as they progressed)

20 retrieved (actual = 23)
18 mature (actual = 20)
16 fertilize (actual = 17)
12 on day 3 (actual = 13)
8 on day 5 (yep)
4 to freeze (actual = 2)
2 to transfer (yep)

Truthfully though, I am just kinda making that up. I have no idea what to expect. I do know that in the end, I would like to have 2 to transfer and 4 to freeze. I need to have the option of frozen embryos in case this round is not successful. Not to sound cliche, but I have literally put all of my eggs in this proverbial basket. If this IVF does not work, I may not be able to afford $15k for another fresh cycle. I can't even let myself think about this cycle not working.

It starts with tomorrow though. I just have to get through tomorrow. Incidentally, tomorrow is Good Friday. I hope it will be a Good Friday indeed!